Sunday, August 1, 2010

Love's Death

sometimes it's hard to breathe
why can't i just break free?
be all alone and cry
'till the last tear has dried
until my heart feels less heavy
'till my chest doesn't hurt
until the waters have washed
the fear of being cursed
... of never being happy
of losing all my hope
of needing and not having
of loving and what for?

i know God isn't cruel
but this feels cruel to me 
maybe it's a joke 
and the joke is on me
Love's death is surreal
he isn't going to return
he's really gone forever
and forever seems too long
Love forgot to say goodbye
as I remain waiting
he went missing through the night
and i didn't even know it

wasn't he among friends?
who was his enemy?
who swiped his life away
and caved a hole this deep
Love took his last breath
as he lay there bleeding
and written in his blood
was the love of God and me
you're free, my sweet Love
don't worry about me
God will sit by my bed 
until i've fallen asleep

until i've stopped humming our song
'till i've stepped into my dreams
when you're alive again
when you're alive with me
where your death is the dream
and the dream is what's real
when you're no longer asleep
and your heartbeat i hear
let me stay here, sweet Love
for a little while longer
let me sing to you again
and hold you in my arms

show you that i love you
see your eyes once more
tell you that i've missed you
that your death is all wrong
...come back... don't leave
i can't wake up now
to the light and the truth 
that my Love is truly gone
let me stay here in your world
where the wind blows free
in our garden of white roses
let's relive our memories

by Ellie Kings
copyright May 2010
art by Allyson Ricketts


Tabitha Bird said...

Ellie!!! You are back! Oh I have missed your words.
And that poem girl. Heartbreakingly beautiful. I understand about rain that pours until not only are your feet wet, but your insides are soggy and breathing feels like drowning. I hope there are many people who walk beside you right now. If you ever need a friend my email is tab [at] zaeya [dot] com

Thank you for sharing your heart here again :)

Kristen Torres-Toro said...

Ellie, I have thought about you a lot these past few months and prayed for you whenever God brought you to my mind. How are you? Dumb question, probably... but I hope there are moments sunlight even amidst the pain. Thank you for sharing this poem... you have been missed... and remembered.

Craftsman of light said...

Welcome back!
Soooooo Happy to hear from you! YEH! yEH !YEH!!!!
How wonderful Ellie!!!
Let the nine million ninety nine names of love dance around you!

Thankyou for your garland made from the teardrops of your Soul!!


Jenny Stevning said...

Oh...I don't know what I can say.
I am so sorry for your loss!

But I can honestly say I am glad you are back. I miss your words.


Tamika: said...

Ellie, tears came seeing your name in my blogroll again. Amen~ thank you Jesus!

I know this is still a difficult time, and I'm praying for you. Thank you for letting us be your sounding board.

Love you:)

dianne said...

Ellie dear, I knew you would still be hurting, I have thought of you often and wondered how you were dealing with your loss ... this poem is filled with love, hurt and loss, it is also very moving and beautiful.
I will never understand why good people have to die, why their lives are taken away from the one who loves them so dearly, two people who belong together here on Earth, who complete each other.
I question everything now as I just cannot understand ... I hope in time the hurt will ease for you and you can find peace and happiness again.
xoxoxo ♥

Anonymous said...

Oh Ellie... your sorrowful tears speak so loudly through your words. What a road to be forced to travel!

I have wondered about you so often and sent prayers up for the Lord to give you strength to carry on.

Bless you Ellie... warm Hugs!

Holly_D said...

The poem is both heartwrenching yet beautiful. God bless you.

Noelle said...

glad you are back - I have thought of you often!

Susan R. Mills said...

Beautiful workds, Ellie. I've been on blogger break and came back to this new post of yours. I'm happy you are back. Still thinking of you.

Heavenly Muse said...

very nice image and words too...

Donna B said...

Ellie...thank you for stopping by my blog. I am glad you are back. My heart breaks for you, but hang in there... I understand. Thirty-six years ago I too loved a man so much I moved to another state for him. We were engaged and then he was killed. I thought my life was over... but you learn from his death how strong you are. You will hold his love and you will learn and grow. You WILL love again. It takes time. Do not allow anyone to tell you when it is time to quite grieving. Follow the process. If you care or need to discuss this further, please email me at Hugs to you....

Mike Meraz said...

I do not believe in love at first sight but I do believe
in love at first vibe. it has happened to me many
times before. and those that I love I usually love in a
moment. I do not believe kindness has anything to
do with love, or how nice you are, you just love who
you love and that is all (though kindness does
nurture love). and sometimes this love may not
always be a healthy love, but it is undoubtedly a
connection that is stronger than any act of charity
can bring. I believe there is a spiritual affinity that
you share with certain people. and this affinity is
beyond logic. and that is why some people ask,
"why do you love them?" and all you can say is "I
don't know.. I just do." and it is because there is
something about that person that endears you to
them, that makes you feel, that brings you some
kind of identity that inspires you to be yourself. they
give you the courage to be who you truly are
because you have realized, "hey, I'm not alone." this
is why certain artists inspire us. it is a soul
connection. you have met a fellow soul mate.
someone from the same mold in a sense. I have this
theory about humans. I believe humans are a lot like
animals. not in the sense of being wild. but in the
sense that there are certain breeds. and when you
have met someone from your breed, you know it.

Craftsman of light said...

Sending you a lot of love, and very special thoughts for this Christmas!
Merry Christmas Ellie!

Craftsman of light said...

How have you been?
i'm sending you all my best wishes to you for the year 2011.
i wrap around you a lot of love, and send you a hundred thousand well wishes!
Please take care of you!

Anonymous said...

Awww, Ellie, this is so beautiful! I love this poem! One day you will see him again girl! One day when we are all perfectly made! I am still so sorry that this had to happen and I don't understand why life does us the way that it does, but you are right, just allow God to comfort you and in this time! xoxo!

Donna B said...

You pour your heart out...keep doing it. You write so beautifully. Give yourself all the time you need to grieve.

Shadow said...

this is most excellent. you've put so much beauty into the sadness...