Our burden is heavy. Our baggage weighs much. The things that once made us laugh no longer do. We walk the path of the heavy laden. We carry burdens that keep us bound. We suppress anger. We walk into our dark room and shut the door behind. We seek relief, but relief doesn't live here anymore.
Now that we're all grown up, should we still be afraid of the dark? Should we still feel helpless?
These were my thoughts when I was fighting depression a few years back. I couldn't understand how a cheerful, bubbly person like me could go from bouncing off walls and slaying dragons, so to speak, to staring out my window with a dazed look on my face. It was as if I was hypnotized. I could actually see myself floating over my body, yelling at myself, "Wake up! Wake up! Get out of the dark! You have much to do! You have to live!" But I was deaf to my own voice.
As the months went by, I grew lethargic and weary. My muscles ached all the time. I couldn't sleep at night and had difficulty getting out of bed during the day. I suffered crying spells, migraines, anxiety, loss of appetite, and couldn't concentrate on anything. I wanted to crawl in a hole and simply die. I didn't want to end it myself, but I did welcome death with open arms.
Silence choked my voice. My song died. My dance slumped. All I wanted to do was scream!!! with every fiber of my soul. Scream!!! loud enough until my voice was heard. Scream!!! until I returned to me. But no one heard and no one cared. They were all too busy to really see.
Still my soul peeked out through tiny windows of my eyes, my hands on the bars of my prison and whispered in anguish...
...Can you hear me? ... Can you hear me?
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Mat 11:28-30 NIV
When I traveled that path, if nothing else, all I heard was the Word of God resonating in my ears. His comforting words speaking life back into me. He breathed his peace over me, everyday...slowly... until I actually felt him close once more. Until He had become Real to me again.
When you find yourself lost in darkness and can't seem to find your way back, allow Him to walk you back into the light. Allow Him to breathe life back into you. And understand that even if no one else hears you when your soul screams out or simply whispers... Can you hear me? God hears... He knows... He sees.
Copyright © 2009 Ellie Kings
Photo by Joseph Hicklin
Art by Alexandra Louie and Bill Stephens