Insomnia

Ever so often you can't sleep, thinking upon the things you didn't accomplish throughout the day. You know? the little things that lead to bigger questions. You ask yourself, ' Was I productive enough?' 'Did I accomplish my goals for the day?' 'Am I headed in the right direction?'

Insomnia... It keeps me up at night. It doesn't wonder if I've I slept enough or ask if it's time to sleep. I've often wondered if I started counting the sheep that so many others count, will I too fall asleep?

What is it that keeps us up at night? Could it be that darkness is much quieter than daylight? Is it that we think deeper at night? Pondering on one of the items we forgot to check off on our to-do-lists. Or could it be something greater... something deeper... something that gnaws at you, creating an abyss of questions, and leaving you longing for something more!

The gifts which have been bestowed upon us that we've buried in time.The death of a loved one whom we never told 'goodbye'. The endless invites of family weddings and picnics you never attended. The long distance between you and those you'd love to be with.

Thinking back on the things we wanted to do years ago, but were too afraid to do them. And now... Well now, is it too late to even try?

So what really keeps us awake at night? Is it the dirty dishes in the sink or the dirty dishes in our mind? Though, the dishes in the sink can be easily washed and put away. But is it as easy to wash the dirty dishes in our mind? The 'could have, should have, would have' statements that we casually repeat time and time again to excuse the things we didn't do in life. Not because we couldn't, but because we allowed so many things to get in the way. Fear. Procrastination. Lethargy.

And now? Where am I now? Where are you now?

There is still time right? Didn't Warren Zevon say it best?... 'I'll sleep when I'm dead.'

When you can't sleep and find yourself wondering why your life didn't go as you planned. Why you never finished writing that book or playing that instrument or singing that song or travelling the world or falling in love or washing those dishes... Just remember these words; As long as you have a beating heart, breath in your lungs, and the strength of a lion; or a lamb...

                                                             There is still time!

'My mission in life is not merely to survive but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor and some style.'  Maya Angelo



Copyright ©July 2016 Ellie Kings
All Rights Reserved.
Sleeping woman painting -Pinterest

The Girl who Lost Her Voice

there once was a little girl who lost her voice...

she searched for it in the oceans
she searched for it in the rivers
she searched above mountains
and through low valleys
but she couldn't find her voice
the little girl was lost in the forest of despair
and went searching for help
she spoke with a man and asked if he had seen her voice
but the man replied, "only you could find it"

she spoke to a woman

then a boy and a girl
but they all replied, "only you could find it"
the little girl walked back home in tears
because she couldn't find her voice
and with every step came a deeper sigh
'if only i could find it, i'd never let it go'
was all she cried

she climbed the stairs, opened the front door
sat on the chair, hands on her face
when she finally wiped her tears
she looked up and saw her voice

it was there,
just where she left it
it had been Home
all along


©2011 Ellie Kings
Art by Morteza Katouzian

Just One Word

How do you say what you need to say, when you can't find the words to say?

Today, is a hard day for me. Not because it's a special day but because it isn't. It's not an anniversary or a birthday or even a holiday (that I can think of). It's just another day. Another day without him. What do you say when you need to say so much, but nothing and everything seems to weigh on your heart?

Yet I write...

I write because I have to push myself to say ... something. Even if it's nothing. I write because the words are there, but I have to pull them slowly from inside- as if they're hanging at the end of a rope, hidden inside my heart (or mind) and it takes all of my strength to rescue them. Because I don't want them to die. Because I love words. They say so much. To think, that just one word can say much more than one can ever dream of.

Think of it. Think of one word. And then think of all the stories you can create with just that one word. Today, I think of "peace". Tomorrow - "hope". The day after that- "dream". There are so many beautiful words in the world. All I have to do is think of one. Each day. Every day. And just maybe, I'll be able to make stories out of all the beautiful words that I've been privileged in knowing. One day, I'll be able to open the door to a world of possibilities.

Today, I might just have only one word that I can think of, but tomorrow, that one word will be a story that will be written on the pages of a book.

Someday...


Other Links to follow:
Alone without My Words
Rescuing the Words

   

© 2011 Ellie Kings

Art: Forced Emotion by Lizzie Prusaczyk

Sunshine in the Dark

This New Year has brought with it a mix of emotions; a new hope, a breath of air, a ray of sunshine. I miss my sweetheart, though somehow I feel comforted; most days anyway. Everyday I convince myself that he really is gone, that I have to learn to live again, and learn to smile once more.


I never imagined a world without him, and since he left, my life hasn't been the same. Who's going to finish my sentences and read my thoughts? Who's going to bring me coffee in the mornings or take care of me when I'm sick? Who's going to make me laugh when I'm sad or make me cry with a birthday card? Who's going to hug me while I'm doing the dishes or give me morning kisses? Who's going to motivate me to continue writing or listen to my new song?


His nurturing love was priceless. His contagious laugh was unforgettable. His old soul was unique. I shall never forget him or the way he made me feel, truly loved.


This New Year I dedicate it to him. I vow to remember who he was as a human being and as my best friend. I vow to do what I must do to continue the fight and learn to live with purpose. I vow to allow God to continue doing what He does best, make miracles. Because it's going to take a miracle to heal from this one.


I want to thank each one of you who have kept in touch this past year, who have taken a moment from busy schedules to let me know you care. Thank you for your sweet words and cyber hugs. I want to thank my family and friends for encouraging me, for crying with me and for reminding me that I'm still needed here. I want to thank my Daddy, God, for staying close to me, holding my hand and gently leading me out of the dark.

God bless you all dearly,

Ellie

PS. If I should sound morbid at any given time, please remind me of my vows.

On the F

it's nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel

it brightens my face with a smile

it whispers in my ear

'you're going places'

it doesn't matter how long I've waited

five minutes or a lifetime

that light brings with it a sense of relief

i'm going home today

...waiting for the future

it is the ending of something old

and the beginning of something new 

the hope of something wonderful

that light brings with it... possibility

wait for it... wait

don't grow impatient

for impatience causes accidents, dilemma and fear

be not afraid of the light

but never run towards it

just wait...

until the light comes to you

don't let the future get the best of you

curiosity may allow your foot to slip

when it slips

you will fall

and the light you've  yearned for most

has passed over you and left you behind

to wonder what you did wrong

and ask why you did not wait

so if I may remind you

if you miss this light, there is another

for there are always lights

coming and going the rest of your life

some might go east, some may go west

but whichever way you're headed

don't fret

there's a light meant just for you

to take you home

to lead you somewhere

 out of all the lights

on all days of the week

i most enjoy waiting for the F

it reminds me of a Future

still waiting to be discovered

and all i must do... is... wait

Inspired by the F train in NYC

copyright © 2005 by Ellie Kings

*photo by Sam Oakes