TODAY I CRIED

Today I cried.

I cried for all the things I could have done but have not finished yet. I cried for a Past I thought I let go, yet somehow draws me back.

Today I cried.

I cried for the Little things that mean so much and yet I take for granted. I cried for the Big things; the dreams I once had and still have not fulfilled.

Today I cried.

I cried for the childhood friends I left behind when innocence was blissful. I cried for the family who moved away to a place they called Better.

 

Today I cried. 

I cried for all the Good people... My Mentors, My Pastors, My Life coaches who came into my life for a Season. I also cried for all the Bad people... who God allowed to be my stumbling block, my brick wall, my Goliath. The ones that threw their stones without any kind of Reason.

Today I cried.

I cried for all the wonderful friendships I've lost along the Path to self discovery. I cried for those few men who loved me yet I could never reciprocate their love. I cried for all the men I believed in but never kept their promise nor honored their word. 

Today I cried.

I cried for that One Man who I will truly love forever; although he no longer walks this Earth. The Man who loved and defended every side of me... the Right and the Wrong. I cried for that Man who everyday reminded me that I was Beautiful... in the Moonlight, in the Daylight and every second in between.

Today I cried.

I cried for all the lonely nights I spend By myself and the stagnant days I spend With myself. I cried for a Future that is unknown; for a Possibility that might never be; for a Door that is still locked and somehow... somewhere I've lost the key.

Today I cried.

I cried for Me... For that shy and frightened little girl I used to be; for the confused teenager I left behind; writing down her dreams, anticipating her bright future and always wearing her Joy and Peace. I cried for that young woman's Broken heart and crushed spirit; watching the endless Sea of Disappointments, Sorrow and Despair as they washed up the shore... for even the depths of the ocean couldn't bury them.

Today I cried.

I cried for the child I will never bear and the family I will never call my own. I cried because through the Tears of Today; I realized something...

Tomorrow has Yet to come. 

All the heartaches in life could never equal to all the Valuable Lessons learned. I might not be where I thought I'd be in life Today, but I am still Thankful to be Alive. And when the time comes, my clock stands still and I head toward my final Resting place, I will honestly admit...

It was not the Life I would have chosen for myself, nor did I treasure every second of my days; but One thing I can be certain of, Without a doubt... I Never walked Alone. Because the Lover of my Soul held my hand All the Way.  Tomorrow... I will Smile again.

© 2017 By Ellie Kings

All Rights Reserved

Music is my Muse

Today music is my inspiration... my muse.  It soothes my soul and helps me remember times past.  Traveling on a cloud of wonderful but mostly painful memories.  Thinking of old experiences with my good mentors: heartache, sorrow, and pain.  These were faithful to me, many years ago, when solitude creeped under a closed door. 

Amazingly enough, a song can take you through a window into a past that you had forgotten.  To a time when you were heartbroken, when you were troubled, and eager to know the meaning of life.  If you haven't healed from that broken heart yet, that song can bring a tear to your eye.  But if you have healed,  it can only make you smile and even encourage you to acknowledge the fact that you overcame it... that you survived.  That when you thought all was lost... it wasn't.  You weren't left out to the wolves.  God knew exactly what He was doing when He allowed you to suffer the way He did.  Not because He was wicked and enjoyed watching you break.  There was a purpose for those tears.  Those tears were to strengthen you, to take you to a higher level and to bring you closer to your Maker.

Thinking back on it now; I don't know about you, but I'm glad I went through the pain.  It made me who I am today.  And those lovely songs and powerful music that once made me cry, 'til the tears dried on my pillow, are my prescious muse today.  So thank you for the inspiration.